I have only one thing to say about President Trump’s proposal to reopen Alcatraz as a prison for ruthless criminals.
What took so long?
“Rock” as mentioned at some point, is now unprofitable and unused as a tourist destination in the middle of San Francisco Bay. I was there and the beauty of the place was that when the cons were trying to overcome the wall, the sharks worked 24/7, working as unpaid prison guards.
Steve Lopez
Steve Lopez is a California native who has been a columnist for the Los Angeles Times since 2001. He has won over 12 National Journalism Awards and is a four-time Pulitzer finalist.
As Trump said, one man tried to escape years ago, saying, “They found his clothes and fooled him pretty badly. It was a lot of shark bites, a lot of problems.”
Speaking of the problem, critics think this is a nutty idea, say it will cost a lot of money to rebuild the rundown property, which once housed Al Capone and George “Machine Gun” Kelly, but had been closed since 1963.
Yes, but it’s a prison, not a spa. Trump’s words “symbols of law and order” should you know. After all, he is a convicted felon.
I think Trump is working on something here, but my only quirk is that he doesn’t think grand enough. California has many underutilized resources, so try to open up to the possibilities.
What happens if the Great America theme park is recast to make America great again? Kids love RFK Jr. Fluoride-free water slides.
(Summerlin/Los Angeles Times)
Less than an hour south of Alcatraz in Santa Clara, an amusement park called Great America has been tanked for decades.
But it keeps everything. I have an idea.
Why not change the name to make America great again from Great America?
Kids will love the RFK Jr. Fluoride-free water slides. Reach Gavin Newsom Dunk Tank and board a high-speed ice train to the deportation station.
There is also an idea for the nearby Auckland Coliseum. This has been rudely abandoned by both the Soccer Raiders and Baseball A.
I grew up in that stadium and I can say that Raider fans in particular were not TI-ill. The word “Rabid” might be that, but let’s say they’ve expressed themselves with little or no restraint, like the crew who plundered into the Capitol and plundered.
That patriot gang is forgiven by President Trump, but it’s unclear if they’ve still found work.
This is the pitch:
What’s self-esteemed, maghat-wearing Trump fanatics wouldn’t pay good money to watch live performances by the rebranded revolutionaries of antlers, waving the US flags, and forgiveness at the January 6th Coliseum.
They were able to go to the full gladiators to the cheers of the crowd. Give them ropes and muskets, dressed in leather, they scale replicas of Capitol buildings, slam on windows, corner politicians, attack security forces like heroes as we know them.
Perhaps Hurst Castle could become the West White House.
(Gemma Karilong)
Some of these suggestions may be difficult to implement, but I will admit, but this is not the case when another California landmark is suitable for better use.
Turn Hearst Castle into the West White House.
The former hideaway of newspaper tycoon William Randolph Hearst is now in the Central Coast State Park, but if you recall, Trump wrote a book called “The Art of the Deal.” All he has to do is call Gov. Newsom and say Hey, Buddy.
Trump’s sons Eric and Donald Jr. have become brave all over the world, signing multi-billion dollar hotel deals in Dubai. But after years of public service, do you not deserve to live in the castle?
Once caught up in the 115th house Casa Grande in San Simeon, the Trump brothers were able to take pride in their fathers by dismantling the state’s troubling coastal commission, expanding offshore drilling and bringing the Atlantic City experience to the West Coast.
Big Sur is fine, but you can’t think of one hotel with a casino or Prime Rib buffet.
Imagine the near future Mar-a-lago Monterey in California.
How about the 60-storey Trump Tower Torrance, with driving range on the roof and an umbrella on Golden Beach.
The West White House could also carry out interference from SpaceX founder Elon Musk. Elon Musk fired more rockets at the Vandenberg Space Force Base, and was hampered by the aforementioned Coast Commission regulators.
I say more moonshots are better and talk about one-way trips. Pack these rockets with political enemies, lying news media, bad secretaries and crazy judges. Biomedical researchers and climate scientists can also be added to their manifesto, as they will be off work anyway.
I’m just vomiting here, but I think Queen Mary can easily be reused as a floating prison to handle the overflow from Alcatraz.
When Trump becomes Pope, our Virgin Angel Cathedral could become a Vatican satellite.
With his code wealth increasing by billions over the last few months, Trump has been able to take over crypto.com arena in downtown Los Angeles and turn it into a personal piggy bank.
Rather than hosting the Royal Sunday Branch, Queen Mary could possibly be reused as a floating prison. Handles overflows from Alcatraz.
(Jay L. Clendenin/Los Angeles Times)
Thanks to customs duties, there is ample space in all empty cargo containers in LA and in the ports of Long Beach, allowing homeless people to be eliminated overnight.
It is a lack of imagination that can prevent America from making it great again, so feel free to send us your own ideas on how to better utilize existing resources. But first, let’s share one more.
From the banks of Alcatraz, you can throw a Frisbee to nearby Angel Island. This is also very inexpensive. I was there and it is a completely lovely state park with fantastic 360 degree views. But do you know what it was used?
In the first half of the last century, hundreds of thousands of migrants were processed, interrogated and detained on the island. And the barracks are still there.
What are you waiting for?
steve.lopez@latimes.com
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